Monday 12 March 2007

The Rise of Fictopunk

Whether from the streets of Liverpool, or from the birth place of the Dalai Lama, fictopunk has certainly seen a steady increase in popularity over the past few years. The almost Akashic collective of musical mayhem makers has often been described as the “thorn in the Government’s toe” by critics worldwide. Originally thought to be the brainchild of Tom Delaney, fictopunk has been shaking critics off like a cat in a washing machine. It seems no-one, not even Jesus himself, can escape being ridiculed by fictopunk lyrics. Ficto-icons like The Devices, The Pissheads, Bob’s Not My Uncle, The Fishtraps, and Piss Off Britney, have dominated the movement for over a decade. Churning out albums like a pissed hick in a trailer, these guys have done it all, man.

…But, just what is fictomusic? What does it mean? What does it mean for all of us? Well, these questions are not easily answered. We spoke with Tom Delaney at the Crisis Ficto Conference last Wednesday, and asked him just what the movement is about. “Because,” he explains, “Music is declining, it’s best that we pretend we’re successful.” Not surprisingly, Tom went off on a musical tangent afterwards, and our reporter found it difficult to use his legs let alone think properly, after some plaster-faced hick slipped something in his beer.

It seems that ficto is just a musical movement with a difference. In a world of ficto, drugs are freely available and police stations are public lavatories. Ficto grabs hold of the weedy-looking emo kid in and the bar and throws him out the window. Ficto never minds the bollocks. Ficto can be applied to almost anything in the universe and still not sound like a cheap pack of Greek duty-free cigarettes. Ficto doesn’t even dictate on what pair of shoes needs to be worn to be an anarchist. Delaney is not alone in his strange ravings; there are plenty of individuals from all over who seek ficto. Its hunger for popularity will undoubtedly echo in the not-so-hollow minds of its followers. With an ongoing attack on free-thought, free-media, free-anything, ficto seeks to repair all of it in one foul swoop.

Do you Shin Dig it?

Moose-killing Taz rockers, Shin Dig, have recently been criticised for insulting the British Royal family in their latest album, Shin Dig (2007). The group have been slammed for lyrics such as; ‘come on people, you know what we mean, this world’s gone crap, because of the Queen’, and ‘Charles is a lizard, you know it’s true, Diana was murdered, and Will sniffs glue.’ The band’s lead guitarist Hangman Stanley told us yesterday that he was once arrested for throwing blue paint all over the steps of the British Parliament building in 1986. Despite the unfortunate news, Shin Dig’s new album launch is set to blow fans away. Fans will also be pleased to know that pill-munching, boozed-up drummer Jo has reunited with the rest of the band after a long, hard week of drug rehabilitation. Jo, who also suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, said he was “pleased to be back, but not pleased about living in a world populated by clean-faced, non-smoking bastards.” You can catch Shin Dig’s new release in all good music stores.

Dinner Party Punk: The Legacy

Ever since the release of their 1997 hit album, Dinner Party Punk, The Fishtraps have long since paved the way for a greater class of pure plaster-face punk pantomime. With serious moose-killing hits as Signals and Jimmy’s Song, the album is awash with demon guitar work and fuzzy, bacterial trickery. With lyrics like; ‘Some Celebrities they say, drink their own piss, turtles are hard backed, so listen to this!’ It’s no surprise that film director Robert Frisk decided to use Signals as the opening soundtrack to the movie Quane back in 1997. Following the lead of punk forefathers The Pissheads, lead singer Gary Gutters, famous for photographing the Loch Ness Monster in back in 1977, intends to work closely with old-skool rockers The Hypno Effect for the release of their next fictopop album, Muck Bullet. Rumour has it that The Fishtraps are headlining at the Sledge Festival in Edinburgh this year alongside bands such as The Unknowns, Taz rockers Shin Dig, El Tapea, and the spectacular Tom Delaney. The Fishtraps new digitally re-mastered album Dinner Party Punk is available in stores some time in July.

Sunday 11 March 2007

The Unknowns Lastest, Greatest Album!

There’s just no point in ignoring the success of Aussie hard-hitting rock newcomers, The Unknowns. Their latest album, Blasphemy in the City managed to reach peak position for the third time in the Australian Rock Album Chart last November. Blasphemy in the City is a complete crunch-pot of wonderful, fuzzy, punk-pop combined with electro-like grooves, and heavy thrash/death metal riffs. Listening to tracks like Letters to the World and Lost Song is like being thumped in the stomach really hard, in a good way. Like most of the Unknowns greats, a soft, gentle intro is suddenly overthrown with an enormous amount of chaos set to make your head spin around and around, and then ache profusely. Samples seem to appear and disappear, vocals rattle ear bones and heavy distorted razor riffs meet choppy electro sounds.

The group is said to be performing at this years Sledge Festival in Edinburgh, although negative-sounding rumours and cancellation fears are widespread. Blasphemy in the City will probably be in stores next month.